I wrote this poem a month ago, inspired by a guy (who asked me not to expose his identity) at work who is infatuated with this girl but it's hopeless because she doesn't feel the same way.
Patuloy na umaasa na mapansin mo sinta
Ngunit wala na ata akong magagawa
Kung siya lang ang iyong nakikita.
Sinubukan kong dedmahin ka
Ngunit kay lakas ng iyong impluwensya
Kahit san ako mapunta, mukha mo ang nakikita.
Ano ba talagang meron ka
At ako'y nahuhumaling sa iyong angking ganda?
Minsan naisip kong magpakalayo na
Ngunit patuloy pa ring inaasam na makapiling ka.
O, kay lupit ng tadhana,
Isa ba itong parusa?
The weird thing was, at the time I penned this, I was feeling similar emotions as well towards someone else. The notion only occurred to me after having that person read it to me aloud. I was surprised and wondered at the same time why I felt that way towards this person who I did not know quite well and yet had such a power over me. It was like I was gripped since day one.
I've always been the type of person to watch from afar and keep my distance. You might say, I like to observe people a lot. I don't feel it necessary to blab about how I feel or what I think towards them. If they knew, I'm pretty sure they'd stop talking to me. In my whole 22-year existence, nobody has ever known how I truly felt and what I really thought of things. A pacifist by nature, I've always settled for what is right or what has less resistance. All the life-changing decisions I've made are the result of compromises with people I love and have loved. Knowing they're happy made me happy, somewhat.
However, this person has infiltrated the wall. He has broken down that barrier and within a span of days has gotten to know more about me than I would happily share with anyone. Even my best friends who live in the other side of the globe are not aware of the things I've told this stranger. I would die of mortification if any of them knew. I would literally die.
So, how come this guy who's as much of a stranger as anyone could be have that much of an effect on me? I don't know. I couldn't even comprehend why I nonchalantly chatter on such secrets to him without even knowing a single bloody thing about him. Well, I do know a little about his history and some of the questionable and disturbing things he's done but other than that, I know so little of him. It kind of scares me a little because I feel so vulnerable whenever he's around, like a soap bubble about to burst.
Bizarre, don't you think?
