h my beloved Mac, I'm going to miss you. So many memories we've shared. Alas, I must bid you adieu. My hands are tied and frankly, I'm in dire need of funds. So, as an act of sacrifice, we must sadly part ways though it breaks my heart. I've never been attached to a gadget like this before. I don't think I'd be able to subject myself to this kind of self-inflicted torture, ever again.

Of Battle Scars and Sunburns

know I mentioned going on a hiatus and continuing my journey on  Tumblr but after a major blog design overhaul, I've decided to continue on. It would be a pity to let it all go to waste right?

o, moving on... Let me start by saying how much I enjoy being a full time mom. Don't get me wrong, I do miss working and all but I would not trade even a single-tantrums-filled-crappy day with the little man. There is however an issue with the, ah, grotesque and nausea-inducing battle scars. Yes, I'm talking about the dreaded stretch marks. They're everywhere and I have this annoyingly nagging feeling that no matter how many times I apply purcellin oil, creams or ointments, this eyesore will be around for a long time. There are other options like microdermabrasions,  chemical peels and laser treatments, but I refuse to take that route. They're much too invasive if you ask me. For now, I'd just let time do her thing and wait I suppose.

n that note, I must also face that it will take time for me to get bikini body ready. I've gained close to 100 lbs, albeit not getting on the scale. I have the ❝ mommy figure ❞ now close to a size 4, I've got to get back to  size 0 [my pre-pregnant size]. So how do I do this, while nursing Kent full time? Most moms of course would recommend taking him out for a stroll and there's nothing wrong with that. However, in this kind of weather where heatstroke [for me] and sunburn [for him] are legitimate threats, it might not be the case. I have yet to find a good sunscreen lotion that not only offers ample protection from  UVA and UVB rays, but is also gentle on the skin and baby-friendly. Wouldn't want our lovely super baby to bake. We have high aspirations for him. So until I lose all the baby weight, for the mean time, I guess I just have to suck it up.

Feeling unglamorous,

26th May

ust to state on the record, I am now a mommy. Yes, that's right. A mommy at twenty three. I finally got the go signal from my mom. And yes, I am going PUBLIC. So let this be known, I am a proud mommy of one awesome super baby. And although we go against tradition, we are a happy family of three.

nd so, with that, I will be going on a blog hiatus, at least here. I will be continuing my journey on Tumblr.

Au revoir for now,

It's Official.

Finally after two full weeks of waiting, the little man's legal documents are here! And within a span of 4 days, little Kent receives his first piece of mail; addressed to and bearing his full legal name. Cannot wait for his other documents to arrive!

Now, if only I can persuade Amit to baptize Kent. Hmmm... Any suggestions out there?

Self Worth

Validation, I need some much needed validation. Lately, I feel so worthless. Underappreciated. Unglamorous. It just feels like I have nothing else going for me other than what is obvious. It's like I'm nothing more than just a host.

There is a great example of this in the Bible. The apostle Paul “learned the secret of living in every situation” (Philippians 4:11-13). Self-esteem is an attitude of respect for and contentment with oneself based on the recognition of one’s abilities and acceptance of one’s limitations.

It is impossible for you to conjure up self-worth/esteem yourself. That feeling of happiness in acquiring something is a poor substitute for the true joy of contributing. The pursuit of perfection and approval drives us steadily farther from peace and self-confidence. If we focus our attention on our worldly resources, we will inflate ourselves with pride.

Change happens to all of us. We will experience physical and mental growth, personal experiences, and changing social situations that will affect our identity. Identity is a person’s sense of placement in the world -- that which tethers us to our self-worth. Our identity can easily be over-inflated when our self-worth is miscalculated. It is healthy to remember, as we mature and circumstances change, that we are not bound by how other people evaluate us.

I think I need to love myself more. Take time to care or pamper myself. I know I have a huge responsibility coming up but that doesn't excuse me from taking good care of myself. It sucks that no one understands me, no one gets me, not even you. I think I know what I need to feel good, and if you can't give me that, well I've got myself to depend on and I guess I just have to accept that reality.

מהבית של אל

In the process of planning a baby shower and let me tell you, there are a lot of preparations to be made. Choosing a theme alone is difficult, then you have to worry about setting a budget and booking a venue, food/catering, and entertainment if you want to go all the way. LOL.

Seriously though, on top of all that, you also have to consider which people to invite. RSVP baby. Tackling the guest list alone and trying to keep things under budget's a hassle! I mean, what's the point of throwing a shower if you don't ask for help right?

I mean, for anyone who's thrown a baby shower, you know how difficult and awkward it is to ask people to get your baby stuff knowing how economically challenging life has been in the past few years. Not wanting to sound like a dick about it but for most first-time parents such as myself, asking people for the essential stuff like say a crib or travel system is tricky business, unless they're family of course then that's another issue altogether.

Next up on the list is the menu to ponder on.

HARAPAN 2010: My Take on The ANC Presidential Forum

OMG. I've just seen all 13 clips of HARAPAN 2010: The ANC Presidential Forum and I gotta say, people who would still vote for ERAP are not only moronic, but downright irresponsible. NOYNOY supporters, remember the 2004 Hacienda Luisita massacre? Please think about that. Do we really need a man only made popular because he was borne of legendary parents and has yet to accomplish anything significant for the country?

BRO. EDDIE fanatics, seriously? C'mon people, enough of the religion lead-patriarchal leadership. Where do you think graft and corruption began anyways? It is this kind of quasi-moral thinking that has lead us to blindly follow vote for people who are neither competent or even spiritual enough to lead the country. Also, we need a complete separation of the Church and the State in order to move forward past this current state of stagnancy and worsening case of poverty that has plunged our country into the depths of debt and corruption.

JC idealists, he is too young and too idealistic to lead the country. We need a firm strong grip not school-boy heroics. He is not OBAMA. He can't even give a straight answer. We need someone capable of dealing with the multitude of problems and epidemics plaguing the country. I agree that the Filipino youth has had enough with all these "trapo" politicians but we cannot move forward with his brand of leadership. Again, we need a REALIST.

GIBO loyalists, what can I say? He is the OBAMA of this generation, unfortunately, there are two things that might deter him on his way to the presidency. First, he is running under the government LAKAS party and this clearly indicates his undeniable connection with the current head of state, furthermore fueling my doubts on whose interest he is serving. Second, if I remember correctly, he was still National Defense secretary when the Ampatuan massacre, one of the most heinous crimes that took place in Maguindanao last November 24, 2009. Where was he when tension between these two families were escalating and intel reports were available then? Also, weren't the arms and ammunitions excavated at the time bore the mark of the National Defense artillery? What say you Gibo, of these accusations?

VILLAR didn't even have the nerve to show up for fear of public opinion. He has never addressed his position regarding the infamous C5 road extension scandal that continues to mar his reputation. Cowardice is not a quality the 15th President of the Republic of the Philippines should possess.

So who should one vote for? I say, go for one who has a proven track record of public service and has time and again demonstrated and breathed leadership and political will. Someone who will deliver and not just make false promises, fair and honest and objective. One who will serve the office for public interest and not personal gain. A realist who will evoke positive and genuine change in the judiciary. He does not necessarily have to be popular. All I ask is before you make your choice, think of the following qualities and check if your candidate has what it takes and what is desperately needed. Vote wisely and sparingly.

הבן שלי, החיים שלי

Lies, lies and more lies.... I don't honestly know how I can go on living like this. It seriously feels like I'm being pushed to a certain point where I just want to break free and be able to live my life the way I want to. Without any shame or a trace of regret, I would like the whole world to know. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, ecstatic and filled with so much joy its overflowing.

I am happy. Happy because I'm alive and happy because I have more than just my family and friends to live for now. I have you. No matter what, I have you and I know although we haven't officially met yet, you are already the core of my being, the mere reason for my existence.

I love you for who you are and no matter who you become someday, I will still be here. I know it hasn't been a smooth ride for both of us but I'll rally us through. I'll make sure you're safe and well. You can count on that. Society may shun us, but that won't stop me. You are a gift regardless of what people may think or say, and for that reason, I will never give you up. However difficult life may get, always know that I am here. And that will never change even when I'm old and gray and too senile to even carry a conversation. Dementia may get the better of me, but know this, somewhere deep inside the confines of a complex mind lies a heart that will always have a place for you.