Showing posts with label He who MUST NOT be Named. Show all posts
Showing posts with label He who MUST NOT be Named. Show all posts

Friday, June 05, 2009

The Nearness of You

This is weird. Wherever I seem to go, you always manage to catch up with me. Well, not the actual you but in the form of something or someone that either reminds me a lot about you or actually looks like you. Let me explain. During the course of le boyfriend's absence at Vox [he has caught viral pharyngitis] this week, a guy from inbound [I've only noticed him walking around and about on the floor a couple of days ago] who seemed to be newly hired passes by my cubicle.

Normally I don't give guys a second look, not intentionally of course but this dude was different. Yesterday he sported a purple shirt and wore his hair up [Asian style] and looked so much like him, I couldn't stop myself from staring whenever he passed by. It was uncanny the way he resembled and reminded me of Carlo. From the hair style down to the height and the built, he could be mistaken for a clone or a twin. The only difference I could spot were the shape of his eyes and the neatness of how brows. How convenient as well for this person to pop up especially at a time where le boyfriend is nowhere in sight. I don't know, perhaps Fate is screwing with me as she always seem to do.

I must admit though. His presence gave me a lot to think about. I know months have passed since that fateful day, but it's not that easy to put asunder. Suffice to say, it takes more than 6 months to leave it all behind. As Idris Elba said in Obsessed, [I can't believe I'm quoting his characted in the movie by the way] you have to keep moving forward. Whatever the problems in life, always move forward. True. True. Move along.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Reverie

Ever find yourself waking up in the middle of the night and trying to go back to sleep but barely succeeding? Then thoughts you've been trying to push back for so long flood your mind and before you know it you're caught in a reverie and cannot no matter how hard you try escape those thoughts or the memories. Yeah, I get one of those every now and then, with increased incidence lately.

It's been what, 5 years and yet it still haunts me. Creeping in my subconscious and digging up the broken pieces of me. I guess I haven't totally found peace yet. And unless I hear it from him, even if it's stupid and never going to happen, I guess I will never know.

I haven't found the strength yet in me to go to him and ask. I don't want to put myself in a situation where I may become vulnerable again and exposed at the caprices of the world to a man who as my friends put it, "never deserved me" in any way. Someday, when I have made a mark in the world, when I've become important enough to notice maybe I would get the chance and the courage to do so. For now, I stay in the shadows waiting for that opportunity.
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