Twenty Three No More!

At Cafe Crepe. ❤ 

That's right, I'm 24 and happily posting pictures all the while having a post birthday blog bash [I know, certified blog-aholic here]. Anyway, I just want to thank all of you who remembered my day. It was a real treat to read and hear from all you well wishers out there. Here's to hoping next year's bash will be bigger and awesome-r than ever!

Cheers.  ❤

Cheers!

Here's to one full year of Canadian randomness. For those of you who don't know, today literally marks my first morning in Canada a year ago and I cannot believe how much things have changed in the past year! Boy, I wouldn't even be able to recognize myself had I met me today. Here I am, venturing in to this new life, trying to make it big here in TO.

How quickly time does pass. Before you know it winter's here and then Christmas, though it would be a really different one this year. Not only will I be celebrating it with Pops and his friends, it would also be le boyfriend's first Christmas ever spent with Filipino traditions. So looking forward to that! I mean, mean he's never had the whole Pinoy Christmas experience complete with a month-long festive decor of trees and lights and presents under the tree, of carols being sung, of noche buenas and exchanging gifts. I must say, albeit this is Canada, Christmas isn't celebrated here much. Canadians are almost indifferent to the yuletide season. It's nonchalantly brushed off and only equated to a night of a nice family dinner and the morning after. The air is so different from back home. Pinoys would give these people a serious run for the money with the kind of festive and merry-making extravagance we put on come December. Some even start adorning their houses as early as November. Yep, we do holidays big there.

I'm more surprised because, it seems to me like the only holidays people [and I do mean all people here, excluding the context of race and multicultural backgrounds] give emphasis to are: New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day, Victoria Day, Canada Day, Thanksgiving and Halloween. I mean, Canadians' concept of celebrating is along the lines of: throwing a huge dinner party, or spending a whole hell of a lot on costume and candies, and for the grown-ups, going to bars and clubs downtown and getting smashed. Yep, that's how they do holidays here: partying it up with a good vodka buzz.

It's not that I have problems with that, I mean hey, that's their thing. I'm just in awe of how ignored or brushed off Christmas is. Granted Christmas is a celebration introduced by Christians, it is not only limited to us. Anyone can celebrate Christmas. I mean, for crying out loud it's the spirit of giving and peace to all mankind. I believe all people regardless of what faith, religion, race and background they're from believe in the good of man right? Anyhow, I guess I'd have to get le boyfriend used to all the merry-making garb and festivities we Pinoys are known for come the yuletide season.

'Tis the season indeed to be merry.

Scream Bloody Murder

It's literally the worst thing that could happen. Okay, that may be an exaggeration but it certainly feels like it for me. My email account got compromised. I literally could not access any of my accounts [Tabulas, Livejournal, Multiply and Friendster] except Facebook, Blogspot, Plurk and Twitter because I was able to transfer the latter to a new [email] account. I could not even open them. It sucks especially with  my Tabs and LJ accounts because both literally chronicled four years of my life and now, with just a click of the mouse all of those entries are gone for all eternity. I did not even get the chance to back them up. Fuck. Intuition tells me there has been foul play involved since it's been just a couple of days since I've posted a certain entry in my Tabs account that some people might have found interesting to say the least, and now this happens. All of a sudden, I could not access my accounts. Should I cry bloody murder? I know I should, but I don't want to be dropping names here, let alone play the blame game. The progression of events, however, leading to this incident tell another story. A story of bitter hate and revenge characterized by an intricate plot to get me to shut up. Whatever the hidden agenda is I'm certain the truth is bound to come out, if not now soon enough and the world will see you for what you truly are. A pathetic excuse for a human being masquerading as a Prince in Shining Armor atop a galloping horse and rescuing naive damsels in distress. You are lame. I honestly don't even know what I saw in you.

On a lighter note, work today was great. Well, not really. It's just weird because for some reason I made five sales in outbound and a sale on inbound. People wanted to talk to me today. LOL. It's great but I'm so new to this that I barely can contain my enthusiasm and delight. I've even managed to outshine the best-sellers [those who always seem to make top sales back-to-back every campaign we've been on]. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, just that I feel new to all this. It also helped that my Lucky Charm was there, although he arrived on the last two hours of the day. LOL. I cannot believe he came to work just to lend me a book. Yeah right, book my ass! I know you wanted to see me. LOL. I am such a deluded person. So, to answer you're question, yes I am happily moving on with my life now. Taking in every thing a step at a time, I hope you don't mind. We have plenty of time. No need to rush. For now, I just want to enjoy your company and see where that takes us.

An Interlude

Snow in April? I woke up today and noticed that the temperature dropped immensely. Looked out and saw that it had in fact snowed earlier this morning, and now it feels like winter again. The funny thing was and I'm quoting him on this one, I was on the phone last night for almost 5 hours with him when he said something like, "Damn you Canadian weather!" LOL. Now I understand the sentiment there. Canada has a crazy and very unpredictable weather pattern situation. I mean, global warming may play a huge part in the climate shift and weather patterns, however, from what I hear it's been like this since time immemorial. It sucks really, because I was finally getting ready to put away my winter clothes in exchange for spring tees and skirts. Oh well. Guess I've to put them away again. Crap, I've to do my banking today and take the bus to work. I'll be freezing my ass off again. Frick.

Oh well, I should get used to all this by now. I mean, if I were to live here [in Canada] for a fairly long time. Well, we'll see. Nothing's etched in stone right? Anyhow, it's Holy Week and out of respect to our Filipino tradition, I would not be posting anything from Good Friday to Black Saturday. I may not be an orthodox Christian, or a devout Catholic but I hold high reverence to the Lenten season. A time to reflect on past misgivings and transgressions.

Speaking of reflection, I've been doing some [deliberation] these past few days [well, a month really] and I've come to this conclusion. Yes, I forgive you Carlo and I hope that whatever lapses in decision I've made in the past with regards to our now defunct relationship will be forgiven. There's neither bitterness nor anger left in me. Not a trace at all. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I want you to be happy. And please enough of the trash-talking and spamming, I'm moving on with my life. Please tell your friend to leave me alone. I'm happy where I am now. So stop raining on my parade.

Friday, I'm In Love!

Hell yeah! Friday night baby! One more day of work and then it's weekend movies [with you know who], let's keep our fingers crossed on this one. LOL. Anyhow, today I had a revelation. Yes, in the form of a song from an English rock band [aptly] known as The Cure. I've had an epiphany. I don't love you anymore Carlo. There's not even an ounce of bitterness in me anymore. Not even a trace of regret after every thing that's happened. I'm genuinely happy for you, wherever you may be in your life right now. I hope you find you're own brand of happiness soon as well.

What prompted this revelation you ask? Well I don't know why, but listening to this song made me see things in a different perspective. Like for some reason, I felt through the lyrics and suddenly I knew how I was really feeling about the whole breakup. I thought it would take me months, or heck even years to get on with my life. Somehow though, Robert Smith's vocals spoke volumes of emotions I had towards it all [you and me, the whole breakup]. I'm Cured. LOL.

Moving on, I've noticed something. Everyone at Vox assumes that he and I are together, as in together together? Even the TLs seem to think that way, since for the past few days he's been gone Kam's been asking me about him. LOL. Well, I honestly do not know how to feel about that. But for the benefit of every one who's been visiting this space regularly, no we're not together together. However, we do hang out occasionally and enjoy each other's company. At least, I know I do. And I like things the way they are right now. Slow but sure. Rome wasn't built in day, right? So, here's where I stand in terms of that. 

And to my friends who get to read this post, I hope you guys are happy for me. Keep praying because all of your prayers are doing wonders for me.  To Bam and Nyj, I love you guys so much. Thank you for taking the time to fit me in your busy schedules and standing by me during the darkest hours. To Ate Trace, who's always ready to lend an ear and supplies me daily with words of conventional wisdom, I love you for that. To my Plurk friends, who may not know me personally but have laid witness to my daily drama, thanks guys for putting up with me. To the Vox people, for trying to cheer me on that fateful day, I will never forget that. Lastly, to Aaron, Eric and Amit for humouring me and rallying me through that first week of hell. You guys kept me sane when the world came crashing down on me. I can't thank you enough for that. I guess I am truly blessed to have people like them around me. 

Floored

Pleasantly surprised and I'm not denying it. I just don't know how to feel right now. Seriously never expected something like this to happen to me, let alone today. I mean, am I blessed or what? The day started out with a light and interesting phone call, which was actually one of the highlights of the day. Plus, for some reason the tiers were switched and our group got to dial 21-44 today and guess what? I made 4 sales! Was there something in the call that prompted me to become enthusiastic about making the pitch today? I don't really know. It did have a minor effect on me though. I must admit I was a little disgruntled with the fact that he wasn't able [and more fittingly, chose not] to come to work today for four days now. I hope he's not planning on making it to five, because that would be brutal. LOL.

Anyhow, I left the house a little late than I was intending to and for some reason had no change so I did the most unexpected thing. I actually walked all the way to the bank today just to take some cash and bought myself food at the nearest No Frills branch just to get change. Gotta make a mental note: Get a METROPASS tomorrow. Okay I will. I honestly thought I'll be running a little late so I give Eric the heads up to inform [our TL] Kam about it. The funny thing though was I did make it on time and got there earlier than him. LOL. Anyway, to cut the long story short I made sales today. Four in outbound and three on inbound, so a total of seven sales! Woohoo! Which by the way is totally a new thing for me because for my whole stay at Vox I've been only averaging like four sales a day in the previous campaigns. Someone Up There must really like me today. Showering me with good graces. Thank You!

The day ends and I get this message from a good friend of mine. He asked me to call and soon as I had the time I did. Well, let's just say that phone call blew me away. Literally made my day as well. I wasn't expecting that at all, never in my wildest dreams. I'm still flabbergasted by it all, the admission there hidden in the context of conversational tones. For the second time in a row now, I was caught off-guard. I mean, usually I know when someone's into me but for some reason that built-in radar ceases to function now. Or is it because I'm in another country and it's a totally different ball game here? LOL. So there, I don't know what and how to feel as of the moment. I'm just content in knowing that I have so many options now, despite my lack of belief in my own innate hotness. LOL. Whoa. Did I just say that out loud? LOL. Amit, you're a bad influence on me. LOL.

Next To You

I miss you. It's been only three days I know, but it feels like a decade since I last saw you. Strange isn't it? To long for someone just because you haven't seen them for some time now. I don't know why I feel this way towards you. It's strange and bordering on obsession, which is not good by the way. I hope you get well soon enough because you're making me start to crave the company and the meaningless conversations  we've had. Funny how I miss the vivid imagery you're so adept at creating as well, even if I sometimes do cringe at such thoughts. LOL. Yes, I might not say it to your face and out loud, but I must admit that your recent absence even at work has rendered me choleric to some degree, much to my chagrin. There's just something about you that seems to light up the place... I think I've told you about this before. You're like the Sun to me, pulling me closer like gravity to your core.

Grammar-Nazi thinks I should get a hobby soon. LOL. I know. I should stop obsessing about you, or Ex for that matter. And I will soon enough. I just hope I find my muse soon so that I could get back to honing my writing skills. It's been damn long since I last penned down anything substantial. I haven't totally abandoned that dream of getting a literary piece published. An ambitious attempt no doubt, but fairly achievable in a sense as well. I just need to find something worthy enough to write about. Or, I could get back to dancing but that requires having to attend dance classes and with the current schedule we have at work, it sounds good on paper but will mess up every thing in the long run. Oh well. Perhaps I could try new things not necessarily up my alley, and meet people along the way. Ah, so many things to do but so little time.

Boy Crazy

I like you. I dote on you so much I seem to make a lot of compromises lately. I should not probably abuse the word since we both know there is so much more to it than us having a mutual fondness of each other. It's not healthy I know but I can't stop it. I obsess a lot when I have thoughts of you. I revel in knowing that not only do I get to see you every single day, I get to talk to you 'til the wee hours of the morning. I indulge in the fact that you hardly can keep your eyes, hands [when we're alone] and thoughts off me. I relish every moment we've been together so far. I don't know why but there's something about you that I've grown to delight in. Maybe it's your greenish hazel eyes [you win] that win me over, or the infectious way you laugh about things that almost always seem to get me more caught up in you. 

You make me want to do a lot of things. Things I would otherwise do in the current situation I'm in. You make me want to start believing again. You make me want to trust you. You make me want to kiss you. You make me want to be with you. You make me want to date you. You make me want you. OMG. I sound like that Usher song. LOL. And this is where I should stop. I've given you every reason and every ammo to make me want to like you. Heck I'm giving you every reason right now to pressure me into a lot of things I know I still won't be ready for. This is why I should stop.

The Art of Kissing

A kiss is just a kiss, he said. That isn't the case now, is it? His desire to kiss me for quite some time now has definitely made things pretty interesting lately. Oddly enough, his unsuccessful attempts to kiss me reminded me so much of this particular scene from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo: If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Juliet: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows is this. For Saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palnm is holy palmers' kiss.

Romeo: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers, too?

Juliet: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

Romeo: Well, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn into despair.

Juliet: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

Romeo: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. [They kiss.] Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.

Juliet: Then have my lips the sin that they have took?

Romeo: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.

Juliet: [They kiss again.] You kiss by the book.

I have no problem with him kissing me. I actually welcome and would very much love to entertain the notion. Kiss me. However, there are certain parameters to be considered before the actual kiss comes to play for me. As silly and ridiculous as I may sound to most [yes Eric, I know you'd call me on that], I actually have those set before I even contemplate such a kiss.

I have no problem with smokers. It's just the secondhand smoke and the cigarette smell that puts me off, not to mention the cigar after taste in the mouth. It's just one of the things that I would really put my foot down against. No to kissing a person who's had a smoke. It doesn't matter what time of the day or how many hours has passed since then, I am not going to allow anyone for that matter to stick their tongue down my throat. No way.

Breath mints or strips are always good. I love the minty fresh breath as well as the cool and tingly sensation I get in them. Things get pretty interesting with mint so do stock up. LOL.

A kiss should be spontanenous and effortless. It has to come out naturally, like the need for air. Plotting, planning and devising ways to kiss a person is sweet, but kissing the person outright at the moment is better. A hell of a lot better actually. Being unpredictable to a certain degree is endearing.

Grammar-Nazi Eric [ha-ha, sweet revenge!] thinks other wise. I don't know what he meant entirely. I was pretty sure he found it hilariously outrageous that I would have a kiss etiquette in place. It sounds strange I'll admit, but I have kissed so many frogs and losers out there that I can't keep count anymore.

I know there is no perfect way of kissing. Every kiss is relative towards your emotions at the time of the act. I'm fully aware that the best kisses are done intuitively. Then again, I'd rather have someone I'm attracted to attempt to kiss me the way I want to be kissed; makes it more charming and [him] irresistible that way.

Dating 101

My mac broke down for the third time and thanks to my trusty N82, I'm posting again. Yay! These past few days have been pretty interesting, making me see a lot of things in a different perspective altogether.

It's safe to say I like where things are going right now, as far as hanging out goes. Taking my time and having a blast! Might as well enjoy every single minute, right? LOL.

So, what's with the title you ask? Well, let's just say that it was inspired by the men in my life right now. LOL. Indulge me, you say? LOL. Okay. Dad picked me up at work today and as soon as I got in the car, he started quizzing me, which by the way is unbecoming of him because he doesn't seem to care a lot about me. I mean we barely really talk.

Anyhow, he starts off with, "Are you seeing anyone right now?" Bemused more than irritated I ask, "why?" He shocks me again with, "it's okay with me, just stick to your own kind." Normally, I would just shrug off whatever he says but intrigued by the sudden show of concern I continued by remarking, "Dad, we're just hanging out. Okay?" He paused for a second, looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't like you dating other guys that aren't Filipino. I don't want you to get impregnated then be left alone to raise the baby. I don't like it one bit." He closed his eyes for a moment then said, "I'm getting old. You are not going to date this guy."

As dumbstruck as I was, I couldn't believe how my dad who seems to ignore every bloody thing about me now shares a piece of insight with me. By the time we got home though, he dropped the subject. Thank God! As relieved as I was however, the shock hadn't washed off completely. 

I am only 22 and already my dad thinks I'm seriously contemplating marriage? Wow. Perhaps in the past that would've been very probable. Now? I don't think so. I mean, I have a whole new life ahead of me. There's no need to rush. I've got time. Plus, I have to find and meet the guy first, right? LOL. Oh yeah, being single does have its perks.

My Brand of Heroin

What an exhausting day this was. And I'm just not talking about the hours too. Not only did they cut back our hours again, they've also taken one of the glorious 15-minute breaks, the last break away. It just keeps getting worse and worse everyday. Every single bloody day.

There's only one thing I'm looking forward to at work now. And it's not even pay day, although technically that should actually count. Yeah. You guessed it. Mr. Stranger. Ikaw. Ikaw. Ikaw nga e. Who else would you think it is? Oh, will you stop guessing? Oh, come on isn't it pretty clear yet? Think about it. Seriously.

Yeah. You. The Culprit. The dude who's making me feel absurdly warm inside. I literally melt under your gaze. Surely by now, you're aware of this. You make me feel too self-conscious. I can't even stare at you long enough to notice the infinitesimal details anymore. I hate feeling like this whenever you're around. Tongue-tied and confused, I don't even know what to say at times. I've never been this vulnerable before. What is it that you have seriously? Why am I so damn attracted to you?

I can't even figure it out. My head is screaming, WALK AWAY! WALK AWAY! Yet somehow I can't manage to stay away. I've tried and it was so difficult. It was like, and this is going to sound lame, you were my fix. As Edward Cullen put it, exactly my brand of heroin. I'm so addicted to you. As bad as that sounds however, I can't deny that fact. I sound obsessed, don't I? Oh wow. I'm more into you than I thought possible. This has got to stop. Seriously. I have got to stop.

Day 10

Ten. Ten days since the breakup. Ten stinking nights of crying myself to sleep and waking up at dawn then waiting for sleepiness to set in again. Ten days of denial, of anger, of bargaining. And still, nothing. My prayers have fallen to deaf ears. I guess this is God's way of saying, "move on child. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be." I even sound delusional, don't I?

I'm trying my best to let go. I've put away most of his stuff including the rings and the shirts, the scents, the earrings he's given. I still wear the necklace though. For some reason, I'd feel lost without it around my neck. I guess you could consider that cheating, trying to keep a connection with him somehow despite what happened.

Anyhow, there's just the matter of the pictures I've stored in Mac. I mean, I consider them as one of the happiest moments in my life and though they may at times bring painful reminders of the way we were, I could not bring myself to delete them. So what to do with them? Ideas anyone? 

On the side note, I'm really looking forward to see Watchmen tomorrow! A fellow tabster gave it two-thumbs up. Haha. Furthermore, the blue "thingy" got me intrigued. Does it glow too? LOL.

Carpe Diem

I am torn. I cannot fully discuss the reason for the current state I am in. I can only say this. I want to be happy. Choose to be happy. And I hope in time I would be able to forgive him without a trace of animosity left in me.

The last couple of days went by in a blur. I guess I was too caught up in the moment to even notice what was happening around me. Things at work started to go crazy. Well, the hours at least. And people? Well, let's just say I feel like I've been thrust into an alternate universe where I play another me. A darker, mopier me. The only silver lining I see is the presence of newly formed alliances (friendship, if you will) which were unexpected and caught me by surprise.

I still am not sure how and what to feel. It caught me off-guard and the moment I had learned of that, I was flabbergasted. It felt kind of nice and reassuring but it didn't help ease the whirlwind of emotions I was currently having. And up to this day, I still deliberate on what to do and how to proceed. The awkwardness and confusion drowning me in waves as soon as the presence is felt. It sounds like gibberish but right now, I just want to live for the moment and see where it takes me.