Ever find yourself waking up in the middle of the night and trying to go back to sleep but barely succeeding? Then thoughts you've been trying to push back for so long flood your mind and before you know it you're caught in a reverie and cannot no matter how hard you try escape those thoughts or the memories. Yeah, I get one of those every now and then, with increased incidence lately.
It's been what, 5 years and yet it still haunts me. Creeping in my subconscious and digging up the broken pieces of me. I guess I haven't totally found peace yet. And unless I hear it from him, even if it's stupid and never going to happen, I guess I will never know.
I haven't found the strength yet in me to go to him and ask. I don't want to put myself in a situation where I may become vulnerable again and exposed at the caprices of the world to a man who as my friends put it, "never deserved me" in any way. Someday, when I have made a mark in the world, when I've become important enough to notice maybe I would get the chance and the courage to do so. For now, I stay in the shadows waiting for that opportunity.
