This is one of the many reasons why I refuse to go on. Why I say NO. Why we can never be together in that sense. As much as I like you and love spending time with you, I can never be too certain if every thing you profess or do for me is a genuine reflection of how you feel about me. Time and again, you've said you liked me. That I'm always on your mind and you're attracted to me. You say all these things and do all these things that give me enough reason to want to hope that they're real. Yet as soon as I do, I witness things that mildly disappoint me which lead to other things that accumulate over time and then frustration sets in. Yes, I don't know why I feel this way and I don't even hold any claim on you. It sucks and I feel the need to repel any act or gesture of affection from you and towards you. How do I best explain it without sounding destitute? I am neither emulous nor covetous but I do feel some form of begrudging to an extent that I sometimes resent myself for it. I can't even comprehend why I feel this way at all given the fact that I'm not into labels, let alone define whatever we have.
I really do not comprehend where all this is coming from and how strong the surge of emotions drowning me right now I can barely keep level. I need to be rational about this. I have got to be for my sake. I guess, the best thing is to do is to distance myself for now and see what happens. There have been waterworks in the past and the last thing I need is a repeat performance. I do hope you find the strength in you to quit smoking soon, with or without me. Enjoy.
