It seems I have lost access to my password and can only post using my alternate account, henceforth, I'll be migrating this blog to thekentchronicles.wordpress.com.

Baby Laughing Hysterically at Ripping Paper

Twenty Three No More!

At Cafe Crepe. ❤ 

That's right, I'm 24 and happily posting pictures all the while having a post birthday blog bash [I know, certified blog-aholic here]. Anyway, I just want to thank all of you who remembered my day. It was a real treat to read and hear from all you well wishers out there. Here's to hoping next year's bash will be bigger and awesome-r than ever!

Cheers.  ❤

Of Plans and Cancellations

I hope yesterday's debacle won't be repeated on Thursday. I've made plans and should things come up and he decides to cancel said plans I will go ballistic. It's bad enough we had to cancel dinner on Valentines and Family Day plans because of work, but my day, c'mon!

Case in point: we made plans yesterday to go check out TIFF Bell Lightbox and the CN Tower because let's face it, when do we get to really do that as a family? Never. What with his busy schedule, it's a rarity for us to even spend an afternoon together. Yet just as we were preparing to go out he tells me a client [a good friend of his] needs logos, brochures and website done ASAP in preparation for a meeting slated Tuesday. My jaw dropped literally because we've had these plans in place since last week and he had the audacity to cancel on us in the last minute?

Infuriated, I locked myself in the room and barely spoke to him the entire day. Heck, if I had it my way, I'd take off with Kiddo for a week. But alas, living in Canada and frankly speaking still on maternity leave, I can barely afford such a getaway and honestly I don't have friends to have known well enough to aide me.

After a long day, he finally got the message, apologized and vowed he would make up for it. I have yet to see that come into fruition but I have high hopes. Another letdown would be, well, disastrous for him. I don't do disappointments well.

Tick Tock...

It's another Saturday night and Amit is out working at Cineplex. Crazy right? Dude doesn't get a night off. It makes me feel bad most days because he works crazy hours while I stay at home and tend to the little one. Hardly sounds fair for the most part but, it is how it is for now, until Kid can start going to daycare.

Anyhow, I'm just happy to be spending more time with the little man before school starts. I'll be taking a full course load so I can get my degree faster. With all the pressure put on me by my SIL, I have to get on it. Clock's ticking...

For the mean time, this is what I've been up to in the past hour. I love procrastination.

Updates...

It has been a while since my last post. One can argue that I have gone into a blog hiatus of some sorts but to be honest, I haven't really felt like updating much since I have created a Tumblr account and pretty soon, will be launching my own website. Exciting stuff!

With regards to my personal life, everything is going along just fine. I cannot wait to be off of mat leave and back on the job market again. Will be going back to school again, either pursuing an actual Bachelor's and Master's degree in Nursing or perhaps venturing into something else totally out of the Healthcare. I want to spread my wings far beyond my limits. 

Family wise, it's been challenging esp. with my sister choosing to giving up her PR status and choosing to go back but let us not dwell on the matter. I have spent many a night to be glum and stressing about something which I have no control of. On a lighter note, DH's family has really warmed up to me. Since DS came, they've been so welcoming, even his dad manages to smile and talk to me, in English! His siblings don't look at me as a threat anymore and even considers me as a sister. Funny how every thing has changed in just a year.

On the flip side however, I could not say the same with my mom and I. We've grown ever farther apart and now with all the issue surrounding my sister's departure, it's sad to say our relationship has been pushed to its limits. . We aren't on speaking terms at the moment and it's been 2 weeks since the last time we chatted. I guess I'm just not ready to talk to her just yet. Only time will tell at this point.

So, in summary, everything is okay, not wonderful and peachy but just fine... The way I like it. Until next time! 

XOXO,

Melissa

P.S. 

Here is an updated photo of the Little Man, enjoy.

 

h my beloved Mac, I'm going to miss you. So many memories we've shared. Alas, I must bid you adieu. My hands are tied and frankly, I'm in dire need of funds. So, as an act of sacrifice, we must sadly part ways though it breaks my heart. I've never been attached to a gadget like this before. I don't think I'd be able to subject myself to this kind of self-inflicted torture, ever again.

Of Battle Scars and Sunburns

know I mentioned going on a hiatus and continuing my journey on  Tumblr but after a major blog design overhaul, I've decided to continue on. It would be a pity to let it all go to waste right?

o, moving on... Let me start by saying how much I enjoy being a full time mom. Don't get me wrong, I do miss working and all but I would not trade even a single-tantrums-filled-crappy day with the little man. There is however an issue with the, ah, grotesque and nausea-inducing battle scars. Yes, I'm talking about the dreaded stretch marks. They're everywhere and I have this annoyingly nagging feeling that no matter how many times I apply purcellin oil, creams or ointments, this eyesore will be around for a long time. There are other options like microdermabrasions,  chemical peels and laser treatments, but I refuse to take that route. They're much too invasive if you ask me. For now, I'd just let time do her thing and wait I suppose.

n that note, I must also face that it will take time for me to get bikini body ready. I've gained close to 100 lbs, albeit not getting on the scale. I have the ❝ mommy figure ❞ now close to a size 4, I've got to get back to  size 0 [my pre-pregnant size]. So how do I do this, while nursing Kent full time? Most moms of course would recommend taking him out for a stroll and there's nothing wrong with that. However, in this kind of weather where heatstroke [for me] and sunburn [for him] are legitimate threats, it might not be the case. I have yet to find a good sunscreen lotion that not only offers ample protection from  UVA and UVB rays, but is also gentle on the skin and baby-friendly. Wouldn't want our lovely super baby to bake. We have high aspirations for him. So until I lose all the baby weight, for the mean time, I guess I just have to suck it up.

Feeling unglamorous,

26th May

ust to state on the record, I am now a mommy. Yes, that's right. A mommy at twenty three. I finally got the go signal from my mom. And yes, I am going PUBLIC. So let this be known, I am a proud mommy of one awesome super baby. And although we go against tradition, we are a happy family of three.

nd so, with that, I will be going on a blog hiatus, at least here. I will be continuing my journey on Tumblr.

Au revoir for now,

It's Official.

Finally after two full weeks of waiting, the little man's legal documents are here! And within a span of 4 days, little Kent receives his first piece of mail; addressed to and bearing his full legal name. Cannot wait for his other documents to arrive!

Now, if only I can persuade Amit to baptize Kent. Hmmm... Any suggestions out there?

Self Worth

Validation, I need some much needed validation. Lately, I feel so worthless. Underappreciated. Unglamorous. It just feels like I have nothing else going for me other than what is obvious. It's like I'm nothing more than just a host.

There is a great example of this in the Bible. The apostle Paul “learned the secret of living in every situation” (Philippians 4:11-13). Self-esteem is an attitude of respect for and contentment with oneself based on the recognition of one’s abilities and acceptance of one’s limitations.

It is impossible for you to conjure up self-worth/esteem yourself. That feeling of happiness in acquiring something is a poor substitute for the true joy of contributing. The pursuit of perfection and approval drives us steadily farther from peace and self-confidence. If we focus our attention on our worldly resources, we will inflate ourselves with pride.

Change happens to all of us. We will experience physical and mental growth, personal experiences, and changing social situations that will affect our identity. Identity is a person’s sense of placement in the world -- that which tethers us to our self-worth. Our identity can easily be over-inflated when our self-worth is miscalculated. It is healthy to remember, as we mature and circumstances change, that we are not bound by how other people evaluate us.

I think I need to love myself more. Take time to care or pamper myself. I know I have a huge responsibility coming up but that doesn't excuse me from taking good care of myself. It sucks that no one understands me, no one gets me, not even you. I think I know what I need to feel good, and if you can't give me that, well I've got myself to depend on and I guess I just have to accept that reality.

מהבית של אל

In the process of planning a baby shower and let me tell you, there are a lot of preparations to be made. Choosing a theme alone is difficult, then you have to worry about setting a budget and booking a venue, food/catering, and entertainment if you want to go all the way. LOL.

Seriously though, on top of all that, you also have to consider which people to invite. RSVP baby. Tackling the guest list alone and trying to keep things under budget's a hassle! I mean, what's the point of throwing a shower if you don't ask for help right?

I mean, for anyone who's thrown a baby shower, you know how difficult and awkward it is to ask people to get your baby stuff knowing how economically challenging life has been in the past few years. Not wanting to sound like a dick about it but for most first-time parents such as myself, asking people for the essential stuff like say a crib or travel system is tricky business, unless they're family of course then that's another issue altogether.

Next up on the list is the menu to ponder on.

HARAPAN 2010: My Take on The ANC Presidential Forum

OMG. I've just seen all 13 clips of HARAPAN 2010: The ANC Presidential Forum and I gotta say, people who would still vote for ERAP are not only moronic, but downright irresponsible. NOYNOY supporters, remember the 2004 Hacienda Luisita massacre? Please think about that. Do we really need a man only made popular because he was borne of legendary parents and has yet to accomplish anything significant for the country?

BRO. EDDIE fanatics, seriously? C'mon people, enough of the religion lead-patriarchal leadership. Where do you think graft and corruption began anyways? It is this kind of quasi-moral thinking that has lead us to blindly follow vote for people who are neither competent or even spiritual enough to lead the country. Also, we need a complete separation of the Church and the State in order to move forward past this current state of stagnancy and worsening case of poverty that has plunged our country into the depths of debt and corruption.

JC idealists, he is too young and too idealistic to lead the country. We need a firm strong grip not school-boy heroics. He is not OBAMA. He can't even give a straight answer. We need someone capable of dealing with the multitude of problems and epidemics plaguing the country. I agree that the Filipino youth has had enough with all these "trapo" politicians but we cannot move forward with his brand of leadership. Again, we need a REALIST.

GIBO loyalists, what can I say? He is the OBAMA of this generation, unfortunately, there are two things that might deter him on his way to the presidency. First, he is running under the government LAKAS party and this clearly indicates his undeniable connection with the current head of state, furthermore fueling my doubts on whose interest he is serving. Second, if I remember correctly, he was still National Defense secretary when the Ampatuan massacre, one of the most heinous crimes that took place in Maguindanao last November 24, 2009. Where was he when tension between these two families were escalating and intel reports were available then? Also, weren't the arms and ammunitions excavated at the time bore the mark of the National Defense artillery? What say you Gibo, of these accusations?

VILLAR didn't even have the nerve to show up for fear of public opinion. He has never addressed his position regarding the infamous C5 road extension scandal that continues to mar his reputation. Cowardice is not a quality the 15th President of the Republic of the Philippines should possess.

So who should one vote for? I say, go for one who has a proven track record of public service and has time and again demonstrated and breathed leadership and political will. Someone who will deliver and not just make false promises, fair and honest and objective. One who will serve the office for public interest and not personal gain. A realist who will evoke positive and genuine change in the judiciary. He does not necessarily have to be popular. All I ask is before you make your choice, think of the following qualities and check if your candidate has what it takes and what is desperately needed. Vote wisely and sparingly.

הבן שלי, החיים שלי

Lies, lies and more lies.... I don't honestly know how I can go on living like this. It seriously feels like I'm being pushed to a certain point where I just want to break free and be able to live my life the way I want to. Without any shame or a trace of regret, I would like the whole world to know. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, ecstatic and filled with so much joy its overflowing.

I am happy. Happy because I'm alive and happy because I have more than just my family and friends to live for now. I have you. No matter what, I have you and I know although we haven't officially met yet, you are already the core of my being, the mere reason for my existence.

I love you for who you are and no matter who you become someday, I will still be here. I know it hasn't been a smooth ride for both of us but I'll rally us through. I'll make sure you're safe and well. You can count on that. Society may shun us, but that won't stop me. You are a gift regardless of what people may think or say, and for that reason, I will never give you up. However difficult life may get, always know that I am here. And that will never change even when I'm old and gray and too senile to even carry a conversation. Dementia may get the better of me, but know this, somewhere deep inside the confines of a complex mind lies a heart that will always have a place for you.

Of Martial Law and Politics

What the hell is happening? Why is Martial Law going to be declared in Maguindanao? Has the violence escalated to such an extent that the situation requires extreme measures? Don't get me wrong, I feel the same sentiment as most Pinoys over this unfortunate series of events but why does all of this smell fishy?

Why can't Congress intervene on this when they are constitutionally mandated to do so? It doesn't make sense at all. Speaker Nograles, can you please comment on this?

This move feels politically motivated. I can't help but feel that something is terribly amiss behind all of this. I get that public sentiment weighs heavily right now on the Administration but can't reason exist any longer? It is what separates man from beast.

Do we really have to resort to Martial Law on this? What about the grave abuse of power that more often than not potentially occurs along with the violation of human rights of every one in Maguindanao if and when that happens? It seems to me like this is an elaborate ploy used by Arroyo to test the waters for perhaps, as one fellow plurker put it, bigger and much bolder aspirations. Do we really have to go down this path? Will we as a people let history repeat itself? And do correct me if I'm wrong but didn't Marcos use public sentiment as a vehicle to further his plans of autocracy during his administration?

I ask you this, is public sentiment enough cause to sacrifice our own democracy and feed it to the dogs?

Help, Anyone?

Is it too much to ask for your help? All I'm asking you is to walk me through this, I'm scared shitless because this is new territory for me. Not only am I out of my comfort zone, I'm going to deal with people and course/program outlines I do not fully comprehend or understand. I mean, for crying out loud, is it really too difficult to do that for me?

See, you don't know what it feels like for people like me. Sent to a foreign country, left alone to fend for oneself. Hell, trying to understand admission information alone is like deciphering hieroglyphics minus the Rosetta stone. Clearly I need help, and although it may seem all too simple for you, try to see things from my perspective.

Yet you still wonder why I'd prefer to go back. Really?

Cheers!

Here's to one full year of Canadian randomness. For those of you who don't know, today literally marks my first morning in Canada a year ago and I cannot believe how much things have changed in the past year! Boy, I wouldn't even be able to recognize myself had I met me today. Here I am, venturing in to this new life, trying to make it big here in TO.

How quickly time does pass. Before you know it winter's here and then Christmas, though it would be a really different one this year. Not only will I be celebrating it with Pops and his friends, it would also be le boyfriend's first Christmas ever spent with Filipino traditions. So looking forward to that! I mean, mean he's never had the whole Pinoy Christmas experience complete with a month-long festive decor of trees and lights and presents under the tree, of carols being sung, of noche buenas and exchanging gifts. I must say, albeit this is Canada, Christmas isn't celebrated here much. Canadians are almost indifferent to the yuletide season. It's nonchalantly brushed off and only equated to a night of a nice family dinner and the morning after. The air is so different from back home. Pinoys would give these people a serious run for the money with the kind of festive and merry-making extravagance we put on come December. Some even start adorning their houses as early as November. Yep, we do holidays big there.

I'm more surprised because, it seems to me like the only holidays people [and I do mean all people here, excluding the context of race and multicultural backgrounds] give emphasis to are: New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day, Victoria Day, Canada Day, Thanksgiving and Halloween. I mean, Canadians' concept of celebrating is along the lines of: throwing a huge dinner party, or spending a whole hell of a lot on costume and candies, and for the grown-ups, going to bars and clubs downtown and getting smashed. Yep, that's how they do holidays here: partying it up with a good vodka buzz.

It's not that I have problems with that, I mean hey, that's their thing. I'm just in awe of how ignored or brushed off Christmas is. Granted Christmas is a celebration introduced by Christians, it is not only limited to us. Anyone can celebrate Christmas. I mean, for crying out loud it's the spirit of giving and peace to all mankind. I believe all people regardless of what faith, religion, race and background they're from believe in the good of man right? Anyhow, I guess I'd have to get le boyfriend used to all the merry-making garb and festivities we Pinoys are known for come the yuletide season.

'Tis the season indeed to be merry.

After A Long Hiatus

The bitch is back! LOL. Oh yeah, I'm back and I've got plenty of juicy gossip for you! Yes you, who's been so diligently and patiently waiting to read any updates on this almost forgotten blog. LOL. Wow. Talk about major grandiose delusions! LOL. Kidding aside, a lot of things have seriously happened since God knows when. Of course, as you can see and probably gather, my head's in the clouds right now and I just seem to mumble on and on. So before I get carried away, I'm just here to happily report that I'd be venturing on a new life soon. What this means for me and for all of you who want to know, well stay in tuned for my next post. LOL.

Big Girls Don't Cry

It's been a long time since I last posted an entry and apartment-hunting has taken its toll on me. Glad to say after checking out 10 prospective areas, I've managed to shrink the list down to four: two along the West end, 1 close to Lakeshore and 1 along the East part of the city close to Scarborough. As far as the neighborhoods go, they're pretty much conducive, quiet and family-oriented. The best part is that most of these units accept pre-authorized payment options which makes things a hell of a lot easier when it comes to making payments. It's pretty much TTC accessible whether by bus, street car or train and also very convenient. Banks, laundromats, delis and food stores/shops are close by. I guess I'm pretty lucky considering such places are available for me. Granted they're bachelor pads meaning compacted space, at least I'll have a roof over my head that I could call my own. Then I'll have peace of mind because I'd be able to manage my own household and actually know where my money goes to. I'm really looking forward to a better living situation.

When it comes to making the rent though, I hope I get approved for that. I mean, it's sweet and all that le boyfriend's lending me money for that, which reminds me I have to pay him back in three paycheck's time. Got to make a mental note of that. So, as far as rent goes I'm covered for first and last month. This is really it, I'm doing this. Living on my own. I'm not gonna lie though, the thought scares me a little because I'd have only myself to depend on now but if this is the price I have to pay in exchange for peace of mind, I'd gladly do so without any regrets. Besides, it's time to grow up and be an adult. This is the first step to independence.

To you Mum and whoever else's reading this entry:

Whether you know me personally or not, I hope you begin to understand why I've chosen to move out of that living situation. I know I've made many wrong choices in the past which I am not so proud of, but these mistakes have enabled me to grow and fully mature as a person. I know what I want and I know what I should do. Please learn to trust me in whatever I choose to do and whichever direction I choose to take. I'm doing this not only for my sake, but for you as well.

I cannot begin to describe what it's like living with him. It's frustrating, stressful and downright infuriating. He cannot support himself. Heck, for the seven months I've stayed in Canada I've been the only one supporting both of us: paying the rent, bills and what have you. I'm tired. I couldn't get the CRNE preparations started because I always ran out of money. He's relied on me so much and it's high time I move out and spread my wings.

I love you Mum, but just because I have a Canadian boyfriend, on the process of moving out and getting a place of my own, doesn't mean my priorities have changed. I know what I want, what I have to do to get that and what's best for the family. I'm trying to build a safe and secure environment before May Ann comes here. I don't want her go through what I went through. I want her to live with me. Dad is unfit to live with, cannot support himself and causes unnecessary stress. It isn't a healthy living situation. Trust me in this.

There have been a lot of things been going on that you don't know about. There have been times when he would come home dead drunk in the middle of the night, sometimes at dawn and wake me up, fully aware that I have to go to work the following day. He hasn't been paying rent regularly when I give him the money to. Bills haven't been paid and I don't know what's going on with the money I've been giving him. Masyado na siyang dumedepende saken. It's not supposed to be like this Ma.

I love you. I'm moving out and I'll let you know as soon as I get settled. I hope you guys understand.

Son of a Gun

Cannot believe she's got an asshole for a dad. Seriously, what else do you want from me? I love him. He was there when they rushed me to the hospital. He stayed with me for almost 15 hours and even made sure I was safe and well enough to take me home. He has become more of a father to me than you ever could you selfish backstabbing son of a bitch! He made sure I was okay. How dare you speak so lowly of him and malign his reputation with every bit of slander and poison you could get your hands and mouth on just to destroy his image in the eyes of Mum? What has he ever done to you? Can't you get it through your big fat greasy head that he loves me? He loves me and he's sticking by me. Heck, you're such an ungrateful motherfucker! You don't even give him credit for taking care of me that time while you were at home, waiting to catch a ride!

I love him and there's nothing you could say that will change that no matter how hard you try. Even if Mum chooses to side with you, I don't friggin' care. I'm sticking by him. You could say what you want but at the end of the day, I'm still moving out. I can't be in this fucked up situation any longer. Mum put up with your shit for 23 years but I'm not her. And this isn't helping me at all, it just unnecessary stress that you guys put me through. I'm done. Disown me all you want, hate me for all eternity but I have to take care of myself too. I need to get the hell away as far from you as possible for me to keep my sanity. This I gotta do for myself.