Caught Up In The Whirlwind

Tonight I pour my heart out. No excuses this time, no sense in putting this off. I think I've made quite a complete fool of myself these past few months, getting involved rather too quickly I must say and now karma's biting me in the ass. Tonight, I face my fears head on and confront every single memory that has haunted me. Tonight, I say goodbye to you.

I must admit I've been having doubts for a long time now and tonight, my instincts have proven me right. And as much as this hurts me, I have to let go. I'm sorry. Do believe me when I say this, it's not you. It's me. I just can't function this way, always having to feel vulnerable, scared of being alone and hurt. I'm sorry but this is for the best. I love you and I don't want to hurt you, but I have to love myself more this time. I have no one but me to rely on, and for that I am virtually and in essence, alone. For the most part, I want to thank you. You have been nothing but kind and nice and caring to me. I doubt you'll stay single for long and trust me on this, you deserve someone better. As dramatic as this may sound, I'm setting you free. Go  and find your happiness.

***Disclaimer: This was written as a rant, and is therefore, considered by the blogger as nothing more than a necessary outburst of emotion. A venting process if you will, to address certain concerns that have been plaguing her mind for the past week. Just the subconscious talking.

The Juggling Act

Is it just me? Or has time really passed by quickly and before you know it, June has come? LOL. I know, I've been way too busy lately I haven't had the time to actually update you with all the juicy tidbits that have been going on for the past month. For one, work has become bearable again as every one gears up for the new call list to start. Some agents from RRA were switched to PA and the team grows by the week. Every one's punching in numbers for the group and generally doing okay. The only sad part is our TL Thierry is still a slave-driving prick who constantly badgers us with pressured sales every single day. On a lighter note though, I've learned to adapt to his ways and just take every thing in stride. No use to get worked up with someone who has the emotional intelligence of a squash right? And as long as he leaves me alone, then we should be fine.

As for my personal life, well let's just say things are getting very interesting. Amit is wonderful. I think I'm way more into him than I expected and the crazy part is, he's into me too. Get this, he said HE LOVES ME and not just once but well, countless times now. I mean, who would've thought he'd feel that way towards me as well? Certainly never expected nor have even forseen this happen. He is surprisingly sweet and expressive. He showers me with displays of affection that could rival that of the Olympics. I'm telling you, this dude could kiss up a frenzy. His lips do mean business. LOL. 

I could say this though, and I don't even care if he gets to read it, I may not say it much but I love him. I love him to a point that it scares me sometimes because it makes me feel vulnerable, pathetic and weak. I hate feeling this way and actually allowing him into my life means giving him the power to hurt me and yet still trust him not to. And this is the part where he asks me to trust him, the same way he seems to trust me. See my dilemma there? LOL.

(To be continued...)